Internal Family Systems (IFS) is about reconnecting to yourself and rebuilding trust in who you are at your core – calm, confident, curious, creative, compassionate. And I’ll tell you right off the bat - it’s not family therapy, and we’re not actually talking about your family. This is about the family or cast of characters inside you. We create internal space so you can ‘witness’, get to know, and build relationships with the different “parts” of you. Sometimes the different parts of you work together in harmony and feel really helpful. Other times, they can get overly rigid in their roles and create distress or pain:

• that protective but painful inner critic

• that people-pleasing perfectionist who leads you towards burnout

• that shamed inner child who feels totally overwhelmed

• that social media scroller who helps you numb out

• that angry part that you’re trying to keep ‘under control’

Sometimes these parts are in conflict with each other – one says ‘do it!!’ while another says ‘hold on a second…’, or chastises and argues with you. I get that it’s uncomfortable, and so often the parts that bring us to therapy are saying “We need to GET RID of this troublesome part that is creating so much distress!”. I’ll let you in on a secret though: it’s not about punishing or eliminating any part of you – there are No Bad Parts. They’re all trying to help, and they all have a role. Instead of punishing or shaming, we get to know each part with compassion so they can learn to trust you, soften back and let you lead again. We help your parts to set down the burdens they’ve been carrying from traumatic pasts.

I love IFS because it’s non-pathologizing. We re-frame those troublesome “symptoms” you want to get rid of as parts of you trying to achieve something. Trying to help in the only ways they know how. Bringing compassion and understanding to these can help to ease distress over time, rather than viewing your system as “broken”, which often creates more distress.

I also love it because it’s truly transformational. We’re not just putting a band-aid on a problem – we’re exploring the root of it and transforming your relationship to your own experience. These are tools you’ll be able to use to cultivate inner and outer relationships for the rest of your life. And once we’ve ‘unburdened’ a wounded part of you, you may genuinely notice a new lightness, neutrality or approach to your experience. Equally important is the growing connection that we build to your Self energy – that place at the core of you that was, is, and always will be there. Your witnessing and compassionate presence.

What actually is a “part”? This video helps to explain the neurobiology of it for those of you like me who want to understand this more deeply!

Want to learn more? Here’s another video on the basics of IFS therapy, and an article if you prefer reading.

“Our parts can sometimes be disruptive or harmful, but once they're unburdened, they return to their essential goodness. When we learn to LOVE ALL OUR PARTS, we can learn to love all people — and that will contribute to healing the world...” - Richard Schwartz, Founder of IFS.