How mindfulness can help. Hint: It’s not about trying really hard.

Mindfulness is a hugely popular buzzword. Many of you have probably tried some mindfulness meditation by now, or at least wondered what it’s all about. While its origins are a component of eastern religions and philosophy, its clinical effectiveness in therapeutic practice was studied by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn. And as his research showed – it works! “Mindfulness” practices were shown to help people manage anxiety, stress and low mood.

I often find that clients are working really hard to “do mindfulness right”. They have an image of sitting still for lengthy periods of time, clearing all thoughts from their heads, and reaching a transcendental state of enlightenment where nothing bothers them anymore. Maybe this has even happened for them once or twice before – and now they’re chasing that sweet blissful retreat from the world, with any other mindfulness experience being labeled a failure. They start to beat themselves up for being “bad meditators”. Perfectionism alert!

From my perspective, enlightenment is not about being able to reach this state on command or being able to stop our thinking. This can quickly become disconnection from our actual felt state, or bypassing of difficult emotions. Ultimately enlightenment is about accepting what is, in the present moment. The present moment might be really hard. Your emotions and sensations and thoughts might be incredibly difficult. Noticing them, and staying open to your complete experience, without judging, is where mindfulness can be a valuable tool.

Why? Because many of us are living in bodies, and going through daily routines, without awareness of how our lives actually make us feel. By slowly tuning in to our moment to moment experiences, we begin to get a sense of what feels good, what feels neutral, and what we really don’t like. By witnessing our experiences and befriending ourselves, we can live more fully in the world. That doesn’t always mean things will automatically be easier, or that pain will go away. It just means we’ll have a fuller understanding of ourselves.

Rather than trying to ‘force’ mindfulness or meditation, you can start to cultivate awareness of your present moment experiences in ways that aren’t frustrating or used to beat yourself up.  

Choose small moments to be aware. Brushing your teeth. Drinking your morning tea or coffee. Your commute. The moment you get an email from someone who drives you nuts.

 Mindful Moments

·      Pay attention to what your breath is doing in that moment. You don’t have to change your breath in any way. Just notice its cadence, and where it goes in your body.

·      Pay attention to what is happening in your body. Is there tension anywhere? Sensation of some kind? Again, you don’t have to get rid of it, or judge it, just notice that it’s there.

·      Pay attention to any thoughts that are coming up. Where does your mind go, when you become aware of these things?

·      Is there a feeling coming up? Can you name the feeling?

·      What can you see around you? Hear around you?

You don’t have to tell stories about or “work” with any of this material – simply noticing that it’s there can bring you back to your body and the present moment.

If you’re working with a therapist who uses mindfulness or body-based therapeutic methods, this kind of practice can be a great start! It will help you get in touch with your experiences so you can better explore them, ultimately leading towards greater self-acceptance and compassion.

A note: everyone’s bodies and experiences are different. If you have experienced trauma of any kind, there may be a really good reason you’re not tuning into your present moment experiences. It might be too overwhelming. If that’s the case, please work closely with a trusted practitioner to come into contact with these experiences slowly and in a safe way.